Why American Kids are Fat

Posted by admin - 04/11/06 at 12:11:18 am

Bus

Afshionados,

I like to drive faster than the speed limit. I don’t drive NASCAR-crazy-fast, but I do go 5-10 MPH above the speed limit because I am an American, I’m impatient, and I’m pretty sure there’s something in the Manifest Destiny about being an American and it being my duty to drive fast. Or maybe that just applies if I am driving west.

So it really bothers me when I get behind school buses. They’re like big yellow road blocks designed to annoy. Not only are these monstrous, twinkies on wheels slow, but they stop at every block. No, this is not an exaggeration. The buses really stop every 20 yards or so and let off only a handful of kids. Why can’t the bus stop at one block, let ALL the kids off at once, and then let them walk to their houses? Maybe then the kids wouldn’t look like miniature versions of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. Instead, It’s like a private limousine service. And why does it take so damn long for the bus to stop, turn on its flashy red lights and stop signs, and let the chublings off?

I’d complain more, but it’s time for me to get on my Segway and ride to McDonald’s for a double quarter pounder with cheese, some large fries, and a Coke. I wish they’d let me order over the phone and deliver, though. And I wish I could find someone to dial for me.